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ARE YOU AT PEACE?  We look at the world and wonder why there is so much fighting. Not just the wars but the fighting between individuals and small groups. If you watch the news all you see is conflict. How can we ever have peace in the world if we don’t have peace in ourselves? Are you at peace?
Last year during elections I received a political postcard where the candidate gave his list of qualifications that made him the best man for the office. He was anti abortion and pro war. How can you be against abortion and for war and be at peace? Does this mean that he only values human life when it first starts out but by the time the child is 18 killing him is okay? We hear a lot of political rhetoric that sounds like this. Do they ever really stop and listen to what they are saying?
This same sort of inconsistency happens on a more personal level for most of us. You come home after a stressful day at the office; your child does something that you consider wrong; you spank your child. The next day you are called to the school because your child has gotten into a fight. You tell the child that fighting doesn’t solve problems. Isn’t spanking the same as fighting? The only difference is that you are bigger so your child doesn’t hit you back.
We have been taught that some forms of battle are okay and some are not. But when you really look at the world you see that what we’ve been taught isn’t true. Does damaging someone make you feel good? Does having someone assert their authority over you improve your day or your life? Do you love babies but feel that all teenagers should be shot? How can we ever have world peace if we can’t have personal peace?
Personal peace comes from love. If you always stop and think before acting you’ll find it easier to follow your heart and not the dictates that you were raised with. It is possible to see good in everyone. We were all created by the supreme source which means that we were all created from unconditional love. If you come from your loving core you will be at peace, no matter what is going on around you. You always have a choice. You can react to external circumstances or you can create the life you desire. Life is meant to be an enjoyable journey not a constant battle. You don’t have to sacrifice peace to live. Why not stopping fighting with yourself and everyone else, wouldn’t you rather be peaceful and free?
Since one of the last places we can usually find peace is in our homes I would like to share with you some steps geared towards improving your relationship with your family members. I want this to be an easy transition for you so I suggest that you start with one step and when you feel that you have mastered that one come back again for another idea. As you add new skills, don’t forget to keep up the lessons from the earlier days. These are subtle but important changes in perspective and behavior that will help you create the peaceful, nurturing home environment you want.
Step 1. Stop negative talk. Decide that today, and from here on, that you will never describe your family life as dysfunctional or use any other negative term. Never again say, “I have so many problems with my son” or “My husband drives me crazy.” Remember that what you focus on is what you create so unless you actually want to be in disharmony with your loved ones, stop sending energy to negative concepts.
Step 2. Visualize. Take some time to form a mental picture of yourself with a happy family and home life. See yourself as totally relaxed, doesn’t that feel good? Imagine yourself having a peaceful family meal or a pleasant weekend with your spouse. Create the family life that you desires. Develop the most complete picture you can of yourself in that condition, and return to that image often throughout the day.
Step 3. Affirm. It’s not enough to just stop saying you’ve got problems at home; you must start say how you want your family life to be. No matter what condition you are in at this moment, you have the power to claim a better condition. When you wake up in the morning, say aloud, “I get along with everyone in my household as I begin my day.” As you drive, repeat, “I love my family members and they love me.” Before you retire at night, say aloud, “My home is in harmony.” Draw energy to that perfect vision of yourself by describing your vision in words – out loud.
Step 4. Pray. If you’re not a religious type, or not sure you believe in “God,” then choose your higher self, a higher power, Nature, guardian angels, or whatever you think is “out there.” Ask for help in three parts: a request, an affirmation and a thank-you. Here is an example: “Spirit, please help me understand how to deal with my teenage son. My relationship with my teenage son is now peaceful. Thank you, Spirit, for helping me love and feel loved by my son.”
Step 5. Write a goal/manifestation. Begin with that perfect picture of your home life that you developed before and expand on it. Write a story about a perfect day. You could begin like this: “This morning I woke up before the alarm to a bright sunshiny day filled with the sounds of the birds singing. I looked over at my husband, sleeping like a baby, and couldn’t resist waking him with kisses. It turned into a kiss and giggle session that left us both smiling. While I showered he woke the kids and made sure they had their clothes ready for school. He set the table for breakfast. He brought me a glass of water with a slice of lemon, just the way I like it.” This is your day so create what you truly want your life to be like and write it down.
Step 6. Have a meeting. To get from where you are to where you want to be will require action. One way to figure out which steps to take is to talk to your family and really listen. You can do this as a group or go to each individual privately, whatever you feel if best for your family. Ask what you can do to make your relationship with them better, then really listen to the answer. Don’t defend yourself or point out their flaws. Ask them if they feel that you need to find a family counselor? Work with them to come up with an action play. You may need to read up on ways to be a better parent? Schedule a follow-up meeting and remind them that you are always available to talk with them.
Step 7. Feel grateful. It might sound counter-intuitive to be “thankful” for a happy home life when you’ve been fighting with your kids all day. But having an attitude of gratitude will help draw harmony to you. Thank your God, or life itself, that your relationships are now healthy, or that you feel loved and respected by your family. Look for some positive thing that happens everyday and be sure and hold the feeling of gratitude in your heart. It doesn’t have to be anything big, life is full of small acts of kindness, become aware of them in your life.
Step 8. Forgive. This is a difficult step for many people, but it’s vital. Imagine: You will only have the level of success you believe your most problematic family member deserves. If you now believe someone is to blame for discord in your home – a wife who drinks too much, a child who is defiant, a husband’s boss who keeps him under stress – find a way to believe that they are doing the best they can do at this time. If you’ve caused the problems in your family, forgive yourself, too. You did what you knew how to do then, and now you’re learning a better way. Don’t hold back, forgive everyone, that doesn’t mean that you think what they did was okay, it just means that you aren’t stuck in those negative feelings any longer.
Step 9. Release the past. Tied to forgiving is the idea of letting go of what was. You don’t have to be the way you’ve always been. If you used to call yourself a “bad parent,” you’ve stopped that negative talk already. You’re already taking steps to give your family more time and energy. Be willing to let go of the things that kept you feeling angry and unappreciated. Refuse to spend another night fighting with your family, whether it means involving them in an activity or leaving to take a long walk. Break the pattern and let go of how things were before. You are recreating your life in the now, release the burdens of the past.
Step 10. Let joy in. Sometimes we become so accustomed to feeling hurt, we forget to appreciate happy moments. When harmony reigns at home, we find ourselves waiting for the next big argument. But to have joy in your life, you’re going to have to let yourself trust in joy, believe you deserve it, and celebrate its arrival. Joy is a choice. You can have a life of sadness and misery or you can have a life of joy and happiness. Which kind of life do you want for your family and for yourself?
Let me assist you in finding inner peace. You can contact me by email or phone, 580-250-0115, if you are interested in individual sessions or would like for me to speak to or teach your groups. An idividual session lasts 30 minutes and cost $45.00. For more price options click here. It’s time you started experiencing peace in your live and I’ll be happy to assist you.
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